If you ask most people this question, they’d likely respond with the standard issues everyone says couples fight about: money and sex. And while money and sex are big reasons some couples get divorced, it isn’t the most common reason for fighting (a more common reason for divorce than financial stress, by the way).
In a survey recently released by Forbes Advisor, they surveyed 1,000 divorcing or divorced people about the most common reason they experienced in their marriage for fighting. The number one answer? Career choices.
This answer may be surprising to some people but relationship and couples counselors won’t be shocked by this at all. We hear couples arguing about this all the time. Here are some of the biggest career choice factors that can drive conflict in a relationship.
Long Work Hours: Careers that demand long hours, such as those in finance, law, medicine, or corporate management, can leave couples with limited quality time together. This lack of time for bonding and communication can lead to feelings of neglect and isolation.
Frequent Travel: Jobs that require frequent travel can strain a marriage as one partner may be away from home for extended periods. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and difficulty in maintaining an emotional connection.
Relocation: A job that requires moving to a new city, state, or country might cause stress if both partners are not on the same page about the move. One partner might have to give up their own career prospects or social network, leading to resentment.
Differing Career Aspirations: If one partner is ambitious and focused on career advancement while the other values work-life balance or pursuing less financially lucrative but personally fulfilling endeavors, conflicts might arise regarding priorities and lifestyle choices.
Dual-Career Stress: When both partners are pursuing demanding careers, finding a balance between work and personal life can be challenging. This can result in stress, lack of quality time, and burnout for both individuals.
Role Conflicts: Traditional gender roles and societal expectations about career and family responsibilities can create tension if one partner's career demands conflict with their expected role as a parent or spouse.
Unpredictable Schedules: Jobs with unpredictable schedules, such as those in emergency services or entertainment, can disrupt family routines and make it difficult to plan and spend time together.
Although these issues may present challenges and potentially lead to conflict, it is important to recognize that they don’t have to result in the end of a relationship. If a couple is committed to building a relationship based on cooperation and a mutual desire to see each other’s hopes and aspirations met, these are very manageable issues to work through.
One way we help couples with conflict, whether about career choices or otherwise, is to help them learn how to cultivate an attitude of curiosity about each other’s goals and aspirations. Sometimes just having a better understanding of what each person is wanting helps to reduce or even eliminate the conflict right there. Sometimes though, that isn’t quite enough.
In our couples counseling work, we help couples learn how to go beyond just the events or decisions in discussing career choices and instead invite them to each understand the underlying dreams and hopes that are truly what makes their goals and aspirations so important to them. Sometimes the choice about relocation isn’t about the need to move but about finding opportunities. Conflict about unpredictable schedules is often less about the unpredictable schedule itself and lack of prioritizing certain things (like time together) when the job does allow for time. And often times frequent travel can be as much an opportunity for building a relationship as it can be a stressor.
If you and your partner could benefit from some help navigating conflict in your relationship (whether about career choices or otherwise), reach out or schedule a free consultation with one of our counselors. We’re here to help!